I've been listening to a lot of David Goggins in various interviews. He's someone I admire immensely and there are many reasons for that but one of the biggest reasons I admire him is because he managed to make a huge mental leap, despite being learning disabled, all on his own and under immense adversity. He had cheated all through school, was spraying cockroaches for a job, and had reached 297 fat-ass pounds. Life was kicking his ass so hard he was on the couch crying to his mom that he couldn't handle it anymore. What turned him around? There were a number of life events that slowly changed his mentality but one thing that happened to David is that he watched a class of guys go through BUDS training on television. What he began to realize, is that for him to stop letting life beat his ass everyday, what he had to do was, "Invent a guy that didn't exist." He had to take scared, lying, insecure David Goggins and make in him into the baddest motherfucker on the planet. How did he do that? By allowing himself to dream and to become a man possessed by a vision of becoming someone he admired. I suggest you read Can't Hurt Me if you're at all curious about what a journey like that is like. This type of journey has it's downsides for sure. For one, nothing about it is particularly fun. It's not supposed to be. The upside, however, is that you come to respect yourself and you get to court and then eventually become the lover of, the most beautiful woman, your life, with a confidence that's untouchable.
My purpose here is to share some of my own process for how I've invented a guy for myself.
Inventing a guy has really just come down to using my damn brain. I must figure out what to aim for. Who is this ideal man? What does the man I admire act like? Behave like? What does he do when shit starts to get real?
There's a certain type of character that I tend to gravitate towards. There are some men that captivate me when they speak. They carry themselves differently. They have egos and seem insanely cocky on the surface but they utilize those egos and that cockiness as an asset. They are uncompromisingly honest. They piss people off because they give it to you straight. They are perceived to be assholes when all they are doing is being honest about their feelings. They are men who judge their own merit by using one measure: Competence. They are the quest seekers. The warriors. They're the ones who are going to put themselves into the forge whether or not anyone else is interested in following them into the fire.
When I found myself watching hours of youtube interviews featuring various men that I admired, I RECOGNIZED THAT. I OWNED IT. I own the fact that someone else, who I've never met, is speaking to me on a deeper level. I choose to make these men my teachers. They can help me answer the swirling questions that I have about myself. They can't answer my questions for me, but they provide the guidance. They are the evidence, as plain as any other, of what is possible when you commit to following your voice with honesty and tenacity. Why do I like the fact that David Goggins swears so fucking much? Why do I like when Jocko is talking about the soviet gulags with Jordan Peterson. Why? Why? Why? I want to know the answers.
In order to answer questions like this, I have found that it's helpful to invent scenarios. The thing that is unequivocally sexy about the mind is that it allows me to put myself into any situation I can conjure up. I am only limited by my desire to grab my imagination boots out of my locker, put them on, lace them up, and hike around on the scrunchy contours of that bumpy gray matter filling my ape skull. I need to create scenarios in the playground of my own mind. Here's one that I've created: How would I react if I was in a bar and some tough-guy thought I was hitting on his hot girlfriend when she's the one who starts up the conversation when he leaves to go do something else? Maybe you'll laugh because you think I won't ever get into a situation like that. Trust me, if you spend enough time in bars and you've got just a little bit of game going on, something like this will play itself out. What does my superman do? Does he try to swiftly steal her for the night right underneath bf's nose? Does he try to steal her right in front of bf, asserting his, "I don't give a single fuck," attitude in the process? Does he befriend the boyfriend and act non-threatening, becoming a comfortable acquaintance for the couple to converse with? Does superman try to figure out if she's unhappy and what does he do with the information she gives him if she's confused and sad? I ask the questions. Then I get answers. I write and scribble. I hem and I haw. I stay awake at night wondering what the right move is. Eventually, through mental suffering and consulting with my teachers, I get an answer. Then, when the scenario presents itself, I know how to act. I have all my reasons and arguments for behaving in the way that I'm going to behave laid out and that gives me the confidence to actually act in a way where I'm going to respect myself.
Through listening to my teachers and using my imagination to answer questions about what my hero does, I've developed my "voice." I've invented a guy. I've create a solidified version of myself that exists only in my mind. He is not yet manifested through skin and bone. I've got a conscious that won't leave me alone when I'm not being myself. It causes me all sorts of guilt because my voice is strong and won't shut the fuck up. He screams inside of my mind all day and his echoes bounce around in my skull and they won't fade.
That's a good thing.