After my workout, I spent this morning brushing my teeth to the song The Hero by Amon Amarth, so you could say that I've started my day off in some kind of mood. Go ahead and make judgements about what that says about me, but just know that if you come to me with these judgements, you better have your arguments fleshed out and squared away or I'll hold your ass to the flames in a way that will make you want to crawl back into your mother's womb. The reason I'm telling you this is because I'm trying to prepare you for the tone of this piece so you don't freak out when I try to get the monkey off of my back and address yet another issue that won't leave me alone.
Anybody who've I grown close to often wonders why I don't call them up for a chit-chat. The reason is simple. I don't feel the need. Now, there's a mistake that I suspect a number of people are making when I express that I don't feel the need to call them. The mistake is that they make a number of bad assumptions about WHY I feel this way. Here are a number of things that I can imagine people think when I tell them I'm not interested in calling them.
Let's address these assumptions, point by point, shall we?
I don't call because I'm a selfish asshole.
It's true, I can be an ass. I've made a very carefully thought out and conscious decision in deciding that my purpose here on this earth has NOTHING to do with being a fluffy kitten that you can stroke whenever you feel bad about something. That's what fluffy kittens are for, that's not what I'm for. I have a lot of goals that, if achieved, would only serve myself. That means I try not to spend a lot of time worrying about other people and all the things that they may have going on in their lives which means I don't call very often. If that makes me an selfish asshole in your mind, then so be it. Just know that I feel immensely proud of the fact that I've finally decided to listen to my heart by pursuing my own selfish interests, so I've stopped feeling guilty about not calling.
I don't call because I'm not invested in your well-being
Listen, I try not to worry about what's going on in other people's lives too much but I am a human who can't help but worry about others at the same time too. I worry if people are doing well, how they feel about themselves, how they are dealing with their addictions and vices, if there's something that they've recently accomplished that they feel proud of, etc. Despite what you may think, I have an extremely deep desire that everyone be happy and content. I hope that by living a life that I can take some pride in, that people realize that it is possible for themselves to live in glory. I hope, with all of my FUCKED UP BLACK SOUL, that they start putting their phones down. I hope they find the motivation to get their asses into the gym. I hope they find the drive to write down who they want to be, fail miserably and often in pursuing that, and tell the whole fucking world about it with a passion that burns those who aren't ready to accept that this is how you get shit done in life.
I don't call because I'm scared of you making me feel insecure during conversation.
I've lived a life where people constantly test my confidence out. Wednesday night I was at the bar and some guy got angry at me because I wouldn't talk to him. I wasn't interested in what he had to say because he would've chewed my ear off for two hours about all his problems if I had let him. He tried to make me insecure by saying, "You know I used to be like you, quiet and full of anger, that's no way to live." I laughed in his face. Why? I was enjoying some good whiskey and reflecting on my life. I am happiest when I am by myself. He couldn't see that behind that bearded, quiet, mean face who just stared him in the eyes as he rambled on, that there's a joy here in my mind that I've quit trying to explain to people.
I don't call because I'm not interested in whatever you have to say.
That depends on what you have to say. I could find it interesting. I could find it a bore. Why don't you call me and find out?
So now that you may understand that the reason you thought I don't call is invalid, what then, is the true reason? The reason boils down to fostering independence. I've written more extensively about it here. Hopefully reading that gives you some clarity.
If there's something on your mind or you just want to catch up, text me, write to me by whatever means necessary, or yes, even call me. I will try my best to respond and in our dialogue I will try my best to exercise patience, listen to you, ask questions, give you some encouragement or advice, and have a laugh. DO NOT CREATE an expectation that I'm some perfect human who will magically give you the tools to solve your own problems, however. Your problems are yours to take ownership of.
If you have an expectation that I call you first though, I'm afraid that expectation will only lead to disappointment for you. I'd advise you drop it.